A Short Story by Claire Pauline

The Beater 

It’s dark. Hot. I feel like I’m floating. I try taking a breath, but there is a pressure on my chest, heavy enough that I can’t move and the bitter taste of salt scrapes against my senses. Water. I’m under water. I realize my eyes are closed and when I open them I’m in my bathroom. The last bit of daylight is filtering through the window in my bedroom outside, barely lighting the room enough to see. My black electric toothbrush floats past my face. I forgot to brush my teeth this morning. I reach out for it, but right as I close my hand around it, its gone. I turn around, swimming in the middle of my submerged bathroom. The old clawfoot tub I love so much is shattered. There’s bubbles of air coming out of the faucet. I left the faucet running. I start panicking, choking on water as I swim helplessly toward the faucet. If I can get it turned off I can fix this, but the more I try to fight my way over to the faucet the further it gets. My heart is racing. I don’t know why, but I know if I can’t get that faucet off I’ll die. I can’t reach it. It’s miles away, but right at my finger tips. 

Before I know what’s happening, there is a pounding coming from everywhere and the water starts rushing around me. Away from me. It’s draining. I’m getting sucked in. I’m panicking, clearly, but there’s something serene about this situation I’ve found myself in. If I let the drain take me this will all be over. I’ll finally be gone. 

I’ve got to get out of here. Dying like this would be embarrassing. I reach out for the doorway of my bathroom, but a huge surge of water pulls me back and- 

A rap on the window of the car jolted Jen awake. She threw her arms out, her left-hand smacking against the hollow shell of her driver-side door, as if she reaching for something to grab onto. Blinking her sleep away, she looked around with murderous eyes and a fast heart and found a heavy-set man in a stained, white shirt and an apron wrapped around his waist. He was holding a hairnet that earlier had held back his curly, black mane and had a black backpack that had seen better days strung over one shoulder. He rapped on the glass again with the back of his knuckles and Jen winced, glaring at him. He pointed down, instructing her to open her window. She obliged and reached over to the crank on the door of her 1982 Volvo sedan, tiredly rolling the window down. 

“What do you want, Richard?” she said to the man, clearly frustrated to be awake. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes with the heels of her hands and hunched back into her seat. She reached out with a limp arm and turned the key sitting patiently in the ignition. The old beast of a car purred awake. Hot air blasted out of her cars vents. It smelled like the rest of her car, but stronger. Like any vintage car, her’s was reminiscent of a historical building turned library, but if that building was also used as a busy mechanic’s garage at some point in it’s recent past. The dirty-tan seats were covered with stains from years of constant use and the back seat had a hole torn in it from a little black poodle Jen had as a kid. The dingy yellow foam bloomed out from under a tattered green towel that tried and failed to cover the damage. She had her dirty work apron that had a big “Davy’s Diner” logo on one side and baby blue backpack strewn carelessly across the passenger seat next to her, sleeping about as comfortably as she had been. The hot air grew icy, blowing back mousy brown tendrils of hair to join Jen’s very messy ponytail, drying the sweat from them as they went. Jen leaned desperately into the cold air. 

“Well, Sleeping Beauty,” he cooed. She glared at him again. “If you don’t get up soon, you’ll be stuck dealing with all the outta towners.” 

“How long was I out?” She rolled her wrist, checking to see if she could find any possible injury caused by the car door. 

“Well, your shift ended like three hours ago. You do the math,” he laughed. His coffee -stained, but well kept teeth flashed through his short, cropped beard/stash combo. 

“Shit,” she said under her breath, rubbing her eyes again. “It felt like maybe thirty minutes max.” She looked up through her window in the direction of the pier. The sun was just starting to peak over the dunes of the beach she was parked next to, shooting out little beams of golden light across the sky. 

“That’s what you get for sleeping in your car, I guess,” he shrugged.  

“Oh, shut up,” she groaned at him, “I was too tired to drive home. I didn’t get any sleep yesterday.” She didn’t feel the need to mention she didn’t get much sleep to begin with. She was usually too busy doing other things like working or going to school, but that was life for most people her age... right? It felt wrong to complain. 

“Yeah,” he said sympathetically, “graveyard is tough to get used to.” 

“Who convinced me night shift was a good idea?” She laid her head back against her seat to stare at the roof of her car. The fabric up there was the same dull brown. There was a little splatter of something that she didn’t recognized and turned her tired thoughts to figuring out how long it had been there. 

“You, if I remember correctly.” He looked up like he was searching for some files in the back of his head.  

“Right,” she agreed sarcastically, closing her eyes like she was trying to fall back asleep. “How clever of me.” She scrunched her face in pain remembering the water-damaged bedroom and mountain of homework that waited for her back at her apartment. 

He huffed out a quick laugh. “Yuh read my mind. Wanna take a walk down to the beach with me?” 

“Why on Earth would I wanna do that? I’ve got too much homework to do anyway. I don’t have time for the beach.” 

“You never do,” he laughed. “Come on, it’ll help wake you up. Putting your feet in the water, I mean. I know I need to. Besides how are you gonna get any of that work done half asleep?” 

Jen groaned much like a child being forced to help with chores, a look of pain flashing across her face. “Just leave me here to die, Richy.” She rolled away in her seat and made a failed attempt to curl into a ball. 

“Come on, get up.” He reached into her car and pulled the lock up from its hiding place atop the ledge of the door. He pulled the door open, its hinges groaning in protest, and grabbed Jen by her elbow. Seeing as they had been good friends for a few years by now, this wasn’t the first time he’d dealt with the child-like stubbornness that overcame her when she was tired. She made a sad attempt to pull away, but quickly submitted, letting him pull her from the car by her wrist. She stumbled from the car, shooting Rich a resentful look out of the side of her eye, while reaching behind her without looking and slammed the car door shut. Rich just laughed at her and took a few slow steps out into the empty road toward the beach. The exterior of her car was a once bright red, now oxidized and sun faded with rusty chips in the paint and particularly pale spots where the sun hit the hardest. She reached through the window and took her key from the ignition. She let out a long sigh, shoving her key chain in the ripped back pocket of her baggy faded jeans, and stomped after her friend who was still slowly backing away, waiting for her to catch up. 

The Beach 

The heels of Jen’s black work shoes sunk deep into the sand of the grassy dunes that separated the beach from the city. She battled her way through, close behind Rich who seemed to be walking through with ease. The line of damp compacted sand left by last night’s high tide was beginning to creep into view beyond Jen’s sandy trap. 

“Is this your idea of waking me up? ‘Cause it’s not working,” she said staring sleepy daggers into the back of his head. “At this rate I’ll pass out before we reach the tideline.” She looked down to watch her feet sink into the sand as she walked. 

“You big baby,” he said, stopping to turn and look at her. 

Not watching, she bumped into him, too focused on each step to notice him stop. She slapped his arm in frustration as she took a step back to balance herself. “What the fuck, Richy!” she yelled at him. 

He laughed at her while she steadied herself. “Well, I was going to offer to hold your hand so you could balance while you took your shoes off. Makes it easier to walk through the dunes, you know. You’d think you would know that since you grew up out here, but if you don’t want the help,” he held his hands up with his palms out in defense. 

“Yeah, whatever,” she said under her breath and grabbed his now outstretched hand. She bent over to rip off each dirty, black shoe then colorful mismatched sock. Once she was done, they were back on their way, almost out of the dunes. Her socks and shoes dangled from the fingertips of one hand. They were warm and grossly damp. Holding them made her want to wash her hands as soon as she had the chance. 

Eventually, they made it out of the dunes and onto more stable ground. The beach was nearly five miles from end to end and the tide was out far enough that it was going to take a few minutes to reach the water. “You forgot to mention I’d have to break a sweat on this little walk of yours,” she grumbled as they made it to the solid, damp sand of the high tide line. The picturesque beach looked like you’d walked onto a 60’s movie set. It was dotted with white old lifeguard towers and a few abandoned beach balls scattered around. Down at the other end of the beach from where Jen was now parked, a beautiful wooden pier shot out above the shore. It slept quietly, unused, as the fair-weather visitors had not yet awoken. At the tip of the pier was a little old carousel perched perfectly in the center of the round walkway at the end of the wooden structure, usually full of bright-eyed children in swimming suits holding fishing poles hopefully over the edge. 

He looked at her out of the side of his eye. “It’s a big beach idiot,” he chuckled. “The long walk is implied.” He took his hands out of the pockets of his black slacks where they had been previously resting behind his apron and bent over to untie his shoes. They looked a lot like Jen’s, black and worn. He pulled them off and set them down neatly, removing each grey sock after each shoe, before he put his bare foot back down in the sand. He stuffed his socks into their respective shoes and rolled his slacks up to his knees. 

“Are you gonna walk out into the water with your apron on?” She watched him work with a judgmental smirk. 

He stood back up and looked over at her. “Do you see how dirty this thing is? These clothes already need a good wash, I don’t think a little salt water is gonna change that.” He let his backpack slip off his shoulders and set it down on the beach next to his shoes. “Come on, let’s go.” He jerked his head toward the ocean and began the long walk down to the water. Jen dropped her shoes on the ground next to Rich’s things and bent over to roll her baggy jeans to mid-thigh length, as high as they would go, then began to jog after him to catch up. She skidded to a stop, remembering her phone and keys in her pockets, and turned around, taking them out and tossing them back toward her shoes. Her phone struck the slightly damp sand, flinging chunks of it out and away. Some of the sand landed in her shoes, but if she noticed she didn’t care. She turned back around to face the ocean and began jogging after Rich again, catching up with him. 

The air had that mossy low tide smell like the tide pool near the rocky cliffs that sandwiched the beach like book ends. The nostalgic scent brought back long forgotten memories of playing in them as a kid. She remembered looking for baby crabs and sea urchins, a little octopus if she was lucky, and bothering the anemones, poking their little tentacles until they were completely retracted and they were nothing but that rough outer wall crusted with broken shells. While she reminisced, she watched the wet sand swell around her foot on each step. She had slowed down to a leisurely walking pace now that she had caught up with Rich. The waves were calm, but the soft white noise of the sea was still ever-present. The water out toward the horizon was almost glassy, and the sky a perfect gradient of coral, lilac, and periwinkle, peppered with peachy yellow clouds that looked like popcorn. Astrocumulus? Stratocumulus? She couldn’t remember the name of those clouds. Rich would, though, he was smart enough. 

“What do you call those things again?” she asked him, pointing at the clouds on the horizon. 

“The clouds? Altocumulus,” he said following the direction of her finger. 

“Oh yeah!” Jen yelled. “I think those might be my favorite kind.” Rich just laughed in response. 

When they made it to the water a wave was coming in. It washed up around her ankles. Despite the humid summer air that stuck to her skin that morning, the water was ice cold sending a pulse of goosebumps all the way up her body, traveling from her toes to her fingertips. If she wasn’t awake before, she definitely was now, and she was a little taken aback by how nice it felt. She tipped her head back, her eyes shut, and sucked in a deep breath of briny air. She held on to it a bit, letting her memories take a snapshot of the moment lest she forget the way it felt after it was over. She let her shoulders fall, breathing out, the last bit of sleep in her body riding the breath like a surfer during a killer swell.  

She dropped her head back down and peered out to find Rich already in the water. She must have been standing there at the edge for longer than she realized. He had already waded out up to his knees. The water was just starting to kiss the bottom of his rolled up pants, making them a shade or two darker. He stopped to avoid the water touching them any further and looked out at the sunrise. Jen pushed her way out into the water to meet him. She stopped beside him and they just stood there for a while in silence staring out at the vast uninterrupted ocean. “I hope this moment is where I go when I die,” she said quietly almost like she was just saying it to herself. Rich looked over at her and she glanced back at him briefly, getting a glimpse of the tight look on his face. Was that confusion or concern, she thought to herself as she looked down at her feet beneath the water. She hoped it was the former. She hated pity, even if it was from a close friend like Rich. The waves pulsed around her legs like a slow heartbeat. “I just mean I could look at this sunrise forever. It’s the only thing I love about summers out here. I would be happy for the rest of my life if my only worry was how long each one would last.” 

Rich looked back at the horizon, “Well, yep, that’s the beauty of being human, though, right? Life sucks, its not always beaches and sunrises. You get through it, try your best to be happy, then you die the easiest way you can hope for. Old age.” He crossed his arms sarcastically like he was some kind of wise man. 

Jen was looking at him out of the side of her eye. Judging. “Way to ruin the moment, asshole.” She rolled her eyes and looked back out at the water. 

“Well, what do you want me to do? You were getting a little depressing over there,” he chuckled and shrugged, unfolding his arms. 

“I don’t know,” she said defensively, “you could just agree and let the moment pass.” 

“Hey, I did agree, just because it wasn’t in the way you want me to, doesn’t mean I didn’t agree all the same,” he laughed lightly shoving her shoulder. She shoved him back. It was harder than intended, but not enough to warrant his reaction as he threw himself into the water like she’d pushed him over. She initially thought it was her fault, but almost immediately realized he had done it himself. He had a tendency toward the dramatic, especially when he could feel tension brewing. 

Shocked, Jen began laughing hysterically as Rich started to struggle hopelessly to get his feet under him, thrashing around in the water like a dying fish. “Stop it!” she yelled, still laughing. “You’re gonna make me pee!” She bent over a bit with her knees crossed and buckling beneath her, laughing at him so hard she could barely breathe. The two of them had been friends so long he always was able to find the weak spot in her wall of emotion sooner or later.  

Rich immediately stopped thrashing and he looked over at her judgmentally. “Ew Jen. It’s bad manners to pee in the pool. Didn’t your mother teach you anything?” This made any subsiding in Jen’s laugh start back up again as she was perfectly primed to laugh at even the worst of jokes. She almost fell into the water beside her friend. He saw the opportunity of her instability and jumped up pushing her away from him and into the water. She fell in, gasping and throwing her hands out, barely able to catch herself. 

She coughed as she righted, her laugh now fully gone as she focused on not choking on the bitter salt water. Rich was now the one laughing, although not nearly as hard as Jen was, and fully sat down in the water next to her. “What is wrong with you?” she yelled at him still coughing and punched him hard in the arm. 

“Ow!” he laughed. “What did you expect, man? I saw the opportunity and took it! Carpe Diem, right? I’m pretty sure that’s what that means, seize the opportunity?” 

Jen giggled, failing to keep on a mask of fast anger. “It’s seize the day you idiot. I know you know that.”  

Rich just chuckled as she turned to sit with him. “At least you’re awake now, right?” 

“Yeah, whatever,” she said suppressing a smile.  

“It really is a nice morning though isn’t it?” He was watching the sunrise now, loosely hugging his knees. She nodded in agreement. They just sat for a while, watching the view. 

“Do you ever think about death, Richy?” Jen asked, eventually breaking silence, as she watched the waves move up and down around her chest and examined her hands under the water’s surface. 

“Jesus, Jen, what a casual question,” Rich laughed, looking over at her. 

“I know, I’m just thinking about what I said earlier,” she said not looking up at him. 

Rich looked ahead again. “I mean sometimes, but I try not to. There’s no use in dwelling on something that won’t be happening any time soon. I’d much rather enjoy being alive than waste my time thinking about something that’s out of my control.” 

“But what if it isn’t so far in the future.” Jen finally looked up at him, however briefly, trying to get a gauge on his thoughts from the expression on his face. It told her nothing, just the plain stoic look that he usually had when he was thinking. She thought his eyes might look a little greener than normal, although it could’ve just been from the sunrise. 

“That could be, but even then, you can’t control it, so there’s no use in worrying." 

Jen was a little relieved the question didn’t seem to bring back his concern from earlier. At least from what she could tell. She figured it was best to drop the subject. Stop while you're ahead, she told herself. She didn’t answer.  

The dropping of the subject only lasted a second, though, restarting when Rich asked, “Why are you thinking about this?” He didn’t shift his gaze. 

“I don’t know,” she answered quietly, almost defeated, she glanced up at him quickly so he wouldn’t notice her looking. “It’s just been on my mind lately. Just in general. No reason in particular,” she clarified. 

This time Rich was the one who didn’t answer. He looked at her, moving his eyes, but barely his head. He just took a deep breath and looked back ahead.  

Right as he did, a cool breeze pushed past them, caressing Jen, bringing her some relief. The way it chased away the heat was so refreshing. Jen pulled out her ponytail, leaning her head back and breathing in the salty wind. It still smelled like tidepools, but only subtly now. Jen felt lighter, freer. Partly because the heat was less stifling now, but it was something else too. Something deeper. 

After a bit she looked down at her clothes, fully submerged in the waves. “You know I’m gonna have to wash these now.” 

Rich wrinkled his nose. “You weren’t already?” he said looking her up and down. 

“Rude,” she said looking up at him through her brows, “but yes, I was, just now I can’t put it off thanks to you.” 

“You’re welcome,” he shrugged. He shifted his gaze, looking out past Jen. “Wanna walk over to the pier? I don’t want you getting into that old beater of yours looking like that. You’ll only stain the seats more.” 

“This was your plan all along wasn’t it? Ruin my clothes so I had no choice but to hang out with you while they dried.” She started to let her amusement show. 

“Maybe,” he said mysteriously, standing up and working his way back to the beach. Jen followed, wading through the water, her clothes now a couple pounds heavier. 

The Boardwalk 

Now that they were up on the pier Jen saw that the tents were more like little shops than booths. Each had its own business sign pinned to the top if the entrance. A cheap jewelry shop, a swim shop, a surf shop, even a shoe shiner of all things. That last one stood out to Jen. It seemed so out of place among the other tourist trap tents. 

Walking down the pier, she realized how long it had been since she had been over here. It made her feel like a stranger in her own home. Even though the beach was only about a hundred feet from the diner’s front door, she had spent the last few years doing nothing but work, sleep, school, work, sleep, school. She was too exhausted to do anything else, especially something physical like playing on the beach or walking on the pier. She was tired. 

“How’s the apartment thing going?” Rich asked. Jen jumped a bit, so stuck in thought she nearly forgot Rich was there with her. He chuckled a bit, but didn’t say anything. 

“Oh, just peachy,” Jen said with a stiff smile that didn’t quite reach her golden eyes. “It’s been a week, Rich. The inspectors were supposed to come yesterday, but they rescheduled for tomorrow. I’m getting a little sick of sleeping on my couch.” With that Jen let out a sigh, tucking her hands in her damp pockets and shifted her gaze down to her feet. 

“Well, have you learned your lesson about the dangers of baths now?” Rich asked sarcastically. 

“Not funny, Richard,” she glared at him from the side of her face. “The landlord is suspecting it to cost more than my deposit. He said water damage usually does.” She paused to think, looking back out at the horizon as the slowly walked. “At least now I know not to run a bath when I can’t even keep my eyes open. That’s a mistake you only have to make once.” 

Rich laughed. “I mean most people don’t have to make that mistake at all, buuuuuuut...” 

“Shut the fuck up, dude. I already am going through hell right now; I can go without you making fun of me for it.” She slapped his arm with the back of her hand. 

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” he laughed, putting his hands up in surrender. “That was uncalled for, I get it.” 

“Very uncalled for,” Jen grumbled, rolling her eyes. They reached the end of the boardwalk where it wrapped itself around the old carousel. The horses on it were all faded and chipped from years of love. Jen remembered riding it with her mom when she was little. She liked summers back then, before she was old enough to resent the tourists. Her favorite horse was a black one with a red saddle on the other side. It peeked out to the right of the center mechanism as if saying “Hello old friend, I’ve missed you” when Jen met it’s plastic gaze. It was faded to a dark grey now. She had named it Shadow; said it was obviously a girl horse. Jen and Rich walked around the left side of the walkway, avoiding the little black horse. She felt guilty, like she had abandoned Shadow in a way, left her there to fade from years of use and neglectful upkeep. 

The two friends walked up to the railing. The sun was now above the horizon behind them, making the sky a pale peachy yellow that faded into a cool cerulean and its popcorn clouds almost completely white. 

The Breath 

Jen and Rich stood by the railing for a while talking about everything and anything from life and memories to school and work. They spent a lot of time talking about Jen’s flooded bedroom and Rich’s old dog, Charlie, who was at the age where his bones were starting to ache. It went on until the sky was a pale blue and it’s little clouds were now pure white. The ocean was waking up, too. The waves had turned from a soft pulse to distinct ripples, little white caps topping the occasional wrinkle in the water. The locals were stirring as well, trickling onto the pier to open their little shops before the invasive tourists emerged from their caves for the day. 

Soon, when the waves seemed to have the majority of Jen’s attention, Rich asked softly, “Have you been feeling okay lately? You’ve just seemed less...” he stopped to study Jen’s face while she watched the water, “peppy, I guess? I don’t know. I’m just a little worried about you. I guess I’m just wondering if I should be.”  

Jen kept her eyes locked on the ocean, but her chest filled with a strange mixture of dread and relief, like her heart was too tight to beat, but she could breathe easier at the same time. It hurt. She was glad he asked, though, she was dreading the conversation. 

“I don’t know,” she said almost whispering. “I just... I can’t shake this feeling that I’m stuck. Like I’ll be stuck in this town with this pile of debt on my chest getting bigger and bigger until it crushes me. Sometimes I think it would be better if it all just ended today.” Rich leaned in so that their shoulders were touching and reached out to rest a hand on her arm, trying to give her something concrete to feel. 

“Did I ever tell you about when I went to college?” he asked casually. Jen finally looked over at him, wiping tears that had glossed over her eyes. She shook her head. “Makes sense. I don’t really like talking about it.” He paused for a moment and looked over his shoulder to examine the carousel behind them. “I was in my last semester.” He looked over at Jen. “My dad had been in the hospital for probably 6 months by then, so I was spending more time there than anywhere else.” He looked away again like he couldn’t see Jen look at him the way he knew she would when he said the next thing. 

“By the time it was all over and he was gone, my grades had slipped so far and I was in so much debt, sort of in the same place as you. Working, sleeping working. I dropped out of school-” His breath hitched and Jen put her hand on his where it laid on her arm. “My doctor had given me some Xanax to help with the panic attacks I started getting. I carried them everywhere for months. I hadn’t taken a single one. I was saving them.” 

“Richy no...” Jen’s voice waivered. The tears she had tried to wipe away were rolling down her cheeks now. 

“Richy yes,” he chuckled, looking back at her. His eyes were misty now. “One night someone close to me got in a car crash. I thought he was gonna die. I couldn’t handle it.” Jen held back a sob. “I was drowning myself and that one thing pushed me under, but the second I did it I didn’t want it anymore. I couldn’t do that to my mom. Or Charlie. It was a few weeks after we met, actually. When you started at the diner.” He let out a tight laugh. His eyes were starting to get misty too. That’s why I was out sick for a week and a half.” 

“Why are you telling me this?” 

“Why do you think Jen?” he asked with a bit of bite in his tone. “You need to know that this isn’t all life is. There is an after. This shit isn’t going to be on you forever. I know it doesn’t feel like that, trust me. It weighs on you like brick under water, but the brick does fall off eventually. However long it takes.” He went to take his hand back but Jen grabbed it before he could. 

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” 

“I told you, I don’t like talking about it... thinking about it. I wouldn’t have said anything just now, but I saw where your mind was at. I’ve been there and I didn’t have anyone to help me out of it. I don’t want you to go as long as I did, as far as I did.” He squeezed ger hand. She loosened her grip, letting him have his hand back. He wrapped his arm around her and she returned the gesture. “I just want you to know that I see you. And I’m here, I guess.”  

Tears started streaming down Jen’s face, but she had a weak smile on her face now and leaned her head onto his shoulder. A far-off laugh rang out from the boardwalk pulling the two friends from their bubble. A family of four dressed in all matching outfits and tropical shirts were walking down the sidewalk to the pier. “They know we’re not in the tropics, right? They have to go a little more south for that,” Jen laughed. This got Rich laughing, too. The two let go of each other and Jen wiped her face with the collar of her black work shirt. 

“Yeah, I think it’s probably time to leave. I need to go to bed anyway.” 

“Agreed. That car is not comfortable.” 

“Yeah, no shit. Hopefully our things are still where we left them.” He gave Jen an exaggerated look of surprise.  

Jen looked back at him, actually surprised. “I completely forgot about that! We should probably hurry before more people show up.” The two laughed and picked up their pace, resuming their lighter conversation from before as they walked back down the pier to make their trek back up the beach. Despite the sun being fully up by now, the air felt much cooler.